I turn to you.

What else can I do, Jesus...I turn to you. This journey in obedience to God's call on our family to adopt seems to change weekly. There are emotional moments that overwhelm me as the thought of adding another child to our already chaotic family terrifies me. I am not able. The closer we get, the more I seem to appear frazzled, incapable and in complete need of God to get me through even the smallest moments. I am still reading "Kisses from Katie", (an AMAZING book for anyone-especially those on the road to adoption. God has used it in his perfect timing each step of the way to encourage me and point me back to Jesus-the only reason we are walking this out!!! Our radon mitigation will be completed in the next couple of weeks. We signed a contract with a local company (Land Environmental Group-in case anyone needs a radon specialist!!) on Friday. The seem great and came highly recommended. Our tax return also got deposited last week in the amount of $3100-matching almost to the dollar the final price of our mitigation-it all belongs to God! Just love it when he does that kind of thing :) Simply, we want to follow where he leads. Just light the way and we'll go because we know what he has for us is more than we can see.

a few things to be grateful for

I have finally recovered from a HORRIBLE tension headache that nearly drove me to the ER for relief…I just couldn’t get away from the pain.  Now what mama has time for that?!

While I was attempting to rest on the couch during that time, I felt like a failure (you know me, ALL or NOTHING). my house was a disaster. dinner didn’t even get put into tupperware that night  due to my incapacitation!  I was in a foul mood from the hours of unrelieved pain and I was alone.  Zach was working and I was just dying.

The good news: I survived and today is a new day!

I started looking at all of the beautiful blessings in my life today.  The small things I am so thankful for…and here are a few:

Elin loving on her baby

Elin upset because, well, I don’t remember…welcome to 17 months old and emotional moments!

An amazing natural history museum that is FREE in our town

Beckett got to choose something for his belated birthday from Mia and Papi-thanks for the Butterfly Museum membership and a T-rex skeleton

I am thankful for our red doors. just an extra special gift from God as a part of this house…this is the entrance from our back patio

what a blessing it is to have a fenced in backyard (AND FRONT!) so the kids can play while I am inside watching!

Evie’s new best friend, Zoe…the girls spent Saturday night at the church’s Spa Night-so much fun!!!

Pure sweetness in this little spunky kiddo

B and E gearing up for beach week in their new suits and swim tops

oh sweet life.

Tony Dungy on the world orphan crisis…

pray. listen. GO!

sign here. and here…and here

Closing day and our first family picture at our new home on 8th Avenue...October 28th 2011!!! 

I loathe paperwork. being in healthcare has certainly ruined me when it comes to that. and while some of the papers are, "sign here, and here, and here and here and here", others ask questions that force you to remember how your family responded to one another in moments of anger when you were 7 years old. thought provoking, probing, and painful. ugh.  can't wait to turn it all in to the case worker-then its HER TURN!  :)

Our home inspection from the county health department was supposed to take place soon, but we were told last Tuesday at our 1st home visit that it would most likely take about 30 days for them to get out here as they are not usually in an type of hurry.  So much to my surprise, I got a call on Thursday afternoon from the inspector saying he could come IN THE MORNING!! 

I quickly did an assessment of things we needed (fire extinguisher, fridge thermometer, etc).  Zach had a game, so I was on  my own...and fighting a horrible cold or allergy attack-either way-I felt awful!

our AMAZING friends, Scott and Haley, stepped in and took the big kiddos for a couple of hours and then had dinner waiting for me and the kids!  blessed beyond measure.

God continues to affirm our decision to use Florida Baptist Children’s Homes as our foster care agency!!!  Our case manager spent 3 years in Peru serving in missions and we are finding it so easy to communicate and connect with her.

This week we are wrapping up our family profile (paperwork!) and getting Maggie seen by a vet and vaccinations updated (even the poor dog isn’t immune from jumping through hoops!).

I started reading Kisses from Katie, a book loaned by a friend…I won’t get into much, but I would encourage you to pick it up. I can’t put it down! 

ending this post with a quote from her book:

“I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus that I am of any illness or tragedy…Jesus called His followers to be a log things, but I have yet to find where he warned us to be safe. We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us.”

 

Oh what a feeling!

our journey is really rolling forward now. We are officially moved in to our new home on 8th avenue and are pretty settled. All of the kids have their own room for the first time ever and it’s a beautiful thing…most nights.

I am loving the extra space, the real laundry room, fireplace and fenced in backyard!  LOVE that the kiddos can just run free for hours outside!

Now I am taking you to present day.

Here we are…on a journey that started long ago for me, but together with Zach over 2 years ago. our adoption journey.

Our 1st home visit was Tuesday night. the case worker came out to hear our testimonies and hand over a PILE of paperwork.  a pile!  she told us the home inspector would be out to do his safety check, but it could be about 30 days…well, he came this morning!  our case worker (CW) said she has never seen this happen so quickly.  God is moving!

I have been overwhelmed with different emotions throughout the week. we are here. really here. our dream and vision is now becoming a reality. however, I still have so many questions as we walk this road.

How will I love a child I have never met? one that I haven’t spent 9 months growing in my womb?  will my other kids embrace this journey? How can I be a good mom to 4 kids?  3 is hard enough!  How can I love a child so deeply and then let him go?  Will it just hurt so much?  Am I strong enough?

and here are the answers;

God loved us first…he didn’t ask us to “know how to do it” before we step out in faith…GO is the only command we need to follow. my kids will have a faith of their own, an authentic, real-life faith that they will journey on their own. a good mom? by God’s grace. and I don’t have to be good enough. and yes, 3 is hard. very hard. and yes, it will hurt. I know this. but I pray fear of pain will never hold us back from obeying God fully.

Fostering and adopting isn’t something convenient, it’s a calling.

I have spent many hours praying and seeking the Lord and came across this blog post…many have asked this same type of question-what about your biological kids? I could not have said it better myself, so enjoy this little read:

Won’t my biological kids be effected by foster care?

Yes.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked this question by well-meaning, concerned people who are wrestling with the thought of becoming foster parents. “Shouldn’t we wait until our kids are older?” “Won’t this have a negative effect on them?” “Won’t they pick up bad behavior, bad language, and just bad stuff in general from foster kids?”

Okay, so this question is a two-edged sword. On one point is the fact that kids who come into foster care have experienced trauma of some kind (through no fault of their own) or they wouldn’t be in foster care, and yes, that trauma could manifest itself in unsavory and unwelcome ways. But on the other point, is the fact that our biological children will never be the same once they have been intricately involved in the family foster care mission. In fact, it will shape who they become.

I know this because I am living it! When we began fostering over 17 years ago, we had three children: Chase-6, Caleb-3, and Cara-2. Connor was born a year and a half into the process. These precious ones are now 23, 20, 19 and 15 3/4 respectively. And let me tell you about them….

All four of them love kids. Last year our family did a television interview for a local tv station- the reporter asked Chase (who was newly engaged) if he and his fiance’ had talked about fostering. He said “yes, we’ll be foster parents at some point”. (That was the first we had heard of it!) Cara and I were talking a few weeks ago and she said “well of course, I’ll foster, Mom, it’s been my life, why wouldn’t I?” Connor has always said he would foster and adopt. Caleb was my only one that I thought might not foster or adopt- not because he doesn’t love kids, but because he is an independent guy with a love for foreign missions. He was at home the other day and I mentioned something about foster care in general…he said, “I don’t think I will foster, but I definitely think I will adopt!”

My kids growing up to carry on some foster care or adoption tradition never entered my mind and is certainly not the point. The point is foster care effects who our children become. My children have had to open up their hearts and their lives to strangers. They have had to share their parents with over 45 other children who have floated in and out of their lives over the past 17 years, and have done so graciously and compassionately. My children have learned at a young age about the inequity of life; that things aren’t fair and that children sometimes suffer at the hands of their own parents. They have had to learn early about pre-marital sex and unplanned pregnancies and addiction and child abuse. They have watched Jeff and I struggle with the emotions that come with fighting for the very life of a child and they have cried with us when we have lost the fight. They have seen their parents’ imperfections and the way in which a merciful heavenly Father can use them anyway. They have joined hands with us in prayer countless times as we have cried out to the Father for justice and mercy and they joined hearts with us when we all embraced a new daughter/sister. They’ve been babysitters, diaper changers, drivers, confidants, and shoulders to cry on. They have literally held me up in times when I couldn’t hold myself. They have truly poured themselves out so that the children who come into our home are cared for with the hands and feet and heart of Jesus.

Are our kids perfect? No way. They are just kids and now young adults. But, I realize that because of God’s call on our lives, they have been given an opportunity; a gift, and they have chosen to enthusiastically unwrap it. Inside is a beautiful picture of the Savior as He reaches out His arms and says “behold, children are a gift from the Lord” (all children!) and “whatever you do to the least of these, you’ve done it unto me”.

If God is calling you to foster or adopt, take a step of faith and give your children a gift. Will it be easy? No. Will it require sacrifice? Yes. Will it be worth it in the end? Absolutely.

School year jumpstart!

Its almost time for the first day of school. Evie misses the Kindergarten deadline by a month….but we are homeschooling again this year, so deadlines, schmeadlines!

I had a great meeting with my wonderful friend, Laura last week and got some great encouragement and guidance on planning and taking it all in stride!!

I also found some STEALS in the $$$ bins at Target (or as my old friend would call them, the “suck-ya-ins”)

GREAT number puzzles!  They also had matching uppercase/lowercase puzzles-can’t beat $1!

IN OTHER NEWS

Elin has discovered the stairs and gate

We hit the park yesterday before it got too hot!  Triple digits don’t get me excited!

Elin spent some quality time in the swing

BigE and babyE dressed a like---OH HOW I LOVE GIRLS!

and I LOVE MY boy!  dirt and sweat-OH!

Beckett loves the merry-go-round and has some sweet skill on this thing-his favorite part is running!

baby view

and no swing would be complete without the thumb…delicious!

Our Bright Light

Can’t imagine our lives without our sweet, sweet baby…almost forgot what it was like without her in it. 

8 months ago, I was one day away from my due date and thinking she would make her entrance right on time, but she just wasn’t ready. Our 6 pound, 9 ounce baby has taken quite the growth spurt since her arrival-see below!!!

Talk about GROWTH!

She is still breastfed, taking a bottle only when COMPLETELY necessary.

Favorite food: rice cereal or oatmeal mixed with breast milk-thanks to the Milkie,  I have PLENTY!!! (and Lacy Basford for storing it in her deep freeze-good friends!) You also are grabbing your fair share of table food like bread, ice cream, bananas, watermelon, strawberries, and french fries..SHHHHH

(you dressed up as a little calf for your first Cow Appreciation Day-we go every year, so get ready!)

Sleeping Schedule: You are officially moved out of our room and into your red crib in the room with E and B-you have slept from 8-6ish the past 3 nights, so keep it up.  You only stay awake about 1 hour after you wake in the morning, then its nap time. Another nap around 1 or 2 and then maybe an early evening one.  **You go to sleep SO WELL-as soon as I lay you in your crib, you put that right thumb in and roll over***

AND-you even fell asleep folded over the other night-reminded Daddy and me of E when she was your age.

How mobile are you? You have started pushing yourself up from your belly to a sitting position, even in your crib. You pulled up on the stroller yesterday while we were at the mall play area-that was a first too-you got down and played!

Who’s your favorite??  You are certainly a Daddy’s girl-even when I am holding you, you lean right to him and don’t reach back for me-smart girl, your dada is eating this up!

What you are wearing: Some 12 month clothes that your Big E wore are already fitting. Mostly 9 month tops and leggings (that’s due to cloth diapers)

Something unique about you now: Your feet are still so tiny! You are barely in size 1 shoes---btw, what a perfect little pointed foot.

What I love about you today: How you kick your right foot when you are really sleepy, the way you suck your thumb and put your head on my chest after I nurse you in the middle of the night, how your face lights up and you squeal when Beckett makes you laugh! That boy is always doing something silly!

You even watched Daddy through the glass the other night…time is flying!

You are certainly living up to the meaning of your name and becoming our BRIGHT LIGHT…

what did you do today?

often I think to myself…what did I do today?

and by stating that question, I mean “what did I do today that was worth anything? what did I do that I NEEDED to do? that really makes a difference?”

A DAY IN PICTURES

spontaneous art project-paper bag Indian vests

Evie modeling hers

Beckett drawing bad guy stripes on his!

spent some time 1-on-1 with Eliebug…look who’s sitting up?!!?

Evie talked on the phone to Mia-AFTER she AND Beckett took a 2.5 hour nap-GLORY!

I did 3 loads of laundry…but the hamper is already filling back up

Wiped sticky fingerprints and messy stains off this table…several times!

changed our first “real poop” diaper-thanks PRUNES!

I rearranged the kids’ room to accommodate Elin’s new crib-SHOCKER, I know…me rearranging!

someone decided to unstuff our sweet sheep…

so she had to be REstuffed.

I tried to find a place for the new plate I made a few weeks ago at DOART with the ladies from our church

I watched the rain fall on our tomato plants and prayed for our neighbors

and the BEST part of it all…

hundreds of hugs, love and kisses from 3 very sweet babies.

Staying at home is hard. but it sure makes life beautiful.